What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh!
I hate to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in only five moves.
Those karate lessons really did pay off.
People will try to convince you that nothing rhymes with orange.
It really doesn't.
I was planning to tell a joke about communism here, but I'm worried that not everybody will get it.
I heard a rumor about butter, but I really shouldn't spread it.
If you stand over Mozart's grave, you can hear all of his music being played backwards, in the order in which he wrote them.
He's decomposing.
A fish in a lake accidentally swam into a concrete wall.
He said, "Dam!"
One time I got lunch with Bonnie Tyler. We'd agreed to get Greek food, but couldn't find anywhere that sold it. I was happy to just get a burger, but she was holding out for a gyro.
(This one's a bit of a stretch.)
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven knows what six did.
At the post office, I accidentally put my hand inside the machine they use to add postmarks to stamps.
I guess I've been cancelled.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?
If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
Today I learned that I can jump higher than my house.
It was pretty easy. My house can't jump.
I tried out some hipster tea, but I burned my mouth on it - I drank it before it was cool.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
I'm trying to put on a play for a theater full of ghosts, but it gets a really bad reception every night. We keep hearing "boo"s from the audience.
I'm going to close out my day of b/dad jokes with my favorite joke of all time:
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
@noelle I love this joke, in part because when my kids were tiny, I'd ask them and I always got amazing and unexpected answers, and so they didn't hear the "joke answer" until they were almost 8
Best answers:
- peanut butter;
- packing tape
@msh I've got my license, I swear! ;)
Why do communists drink fruit tea?
@noelle ...
Because proper tea is theft.
I am defenseless without my ELLIE emojo! ^_^;
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at counting, and those who aren't.